3 Shared Paths' Blog

During the holidays we especially notice when loved ones are missing and the sadness can be overwhelming.  Grief is a demanding process.  It’s unpredictable and each person moves through the stages of grief differently.  It’s exhausting at times because the emotions use a lot of energy. 

I was reminded of this recently when a friend said she didn’t want to attend a family party because she would notice her mother’s absence and it was too upsetting not to have her Mom there to share the fun time and make new memories.  Her comment made me once again reflect on my grieving process for my mother. For the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas after my mom died, I took mini-vacations and left for the beach. I wanted to be somewhere different so I wouldn’t notice her absence. At the time I wasn’t concsious of why this was appealing but now I see it as a way to cope with the change and loss.

I did a little research and found some advice that I want to share from this website at About.com:

Be Kind to Yourself:  The holidays can be physically draining so drink lots of fluids, get lots of rest and exercise.  If you want to be with people seek them out.  If you need to be alone, honor that.  Take care of yourself.

Ask for and Accept Help:  Tell people what they can do to help you in your grieving.  Accept assistance with errands, ask for a shoulder to cry on, let people know what your preferences are.  People who care about you want to help.

Make A Difference:  Help others in need and take some of the focus off your loss and pain.  Volunteer!  Maybe make a new tradition that diminishes the stress.

There is no specific way to feel and no time limit on grief.  I take comfort in believing that those who have left this world are watching over me,  sending me love, and feeling at peace.  I try to express my gratitude for having known my mom and all other loved ones in my life who have passed on.  I realize this is a serious subject for a festive time, but if you know someone having a “blue holiday” take a moment to acknowledge their loss and give them a moment of comfort.  Grief is a demanding and humbling process. 

Wishing you peace,  love, and joy!
Rebecca