Pay Attention to Your Words
January 21, 2012
I attended an interesting workshop at the Baton Rouge Unity Church a few weeks ago about Effective Communication facilitated by Charles Frost. I was surprised to learn about his belief that “Why” may be the most damaging word in the English language. Charles explained that the word “Why” often puts people on the defensive because of negative experiences they had as children. For example, they may have been asked “why did you do that?” Or they may have received responses to “why” questions like “because I said so.” He suggested replacing “Why” with “How is it possible”.
It was interesting when he asked the workshop participants how they reacted to the word “Why”. Several people agreed that it had a negative connotation to them. To me and a couple of others at the workshop, why represents curiosity and is not considered negative.
I was grateful to learn that using the word “Why” can put people on the defensive; now I know to consider using another word or phrase.
I was also glad to learn that Charles’ topic of effective communication included internal dialogue, which I believe is incredibly important for achieving our optimum well-being. Where do your words not support your desires? Pay attention and choose different phrases where you see there is not alignment. Charles used the power of words to help him heal from an illness that doctors told him would leave him unable to walk. He chose to believe that he was healing every day and communicated that to himself and everyone else, and he now walks without assistance.
I have changed my internal dialogue quite a bit since I started paying more attention several years ago. When I recognize frustration, I ask myself what I desire and shift my language to align with that. An area that I am working on right now is to stop telling myself “I don’t have enough time” or “there isn’t enough time”. I am working to replace my frustration with encouraging words like “everything unfolds in its right time” and “I use my time wisely.”
Listen to your words, what you speak and tell yourself, to identify where you can shift your language to be more supportive of your optimum well-being. I expect you will be amazed with what you observe!
-Carolee
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